Stuck

We are starting a new bible study in our women's group on Wednesday nights. It's called Stuck. We went through the introduction last night and I cried most of the way home. This study is going to hurt. Here is a piece of the introduction that just keeps running through me head:

The plan was that He would die. The Son of God would die, paying for the sins of the world. And then in the greatest miracle in history, Christ would be resurrected to life forever, defeating death and giving us the most beautiful hope. Anyone who put their faith in Him would be forgiven. Their sin would be paid for and thrown as far as the east is from the west. It would be a final act making us forever right with our perfect God. And for those who have put their hope in Christ, that is our reality. However, sin has not left me. I believe in Christ and know that my sin has been forgiven, but I also stand here holding arms full of it. I know I have been made right for eternity. But what about today? What about my short time left on this planet?

The bolded part just keeps playing over and over in my head. I hate it when I let things get so bad with God that it hurts to fix it. Why do I let it go this far? Why am I so stubborn instead of just letting Him take control and lead me where He wants me to be? It's like He is pulling me towards Him and I am fighting with all my power to get away.

Lately I have been feeling really lonely. I feel like I am friendless. I know I have people around me who think I'm fun (and bring good food to the party :) but I need a real friend. Someone I can call or text when I'm having a bad day. Someone that can tell when I'm faking happiness. Someone who knows me almost better than I know myself. I know I have an amazing husband who cares more about me than I deserve, but I need a woman, who understands.

I hate feeling alone, it just makes me put up my guard and be scared. I am good at relationships. I really am a good friend. I am such a social person that it kills me not to have that one friend. I just keep wondering if something is wrong with me. Maybe I fake it so much I don't even know who I am anymore. Who am I? Am I happy with the choices I make everyday? Am I happy with where my relationship with God stands? Am I content with what I have? The answer to all of those questions is no. I feel stuck.

I am really hoping that I can let go and get out of this study what God wants me to. I hope that by the end I am not stuck anymore. But I know that along with those hopes comes fear and pain. This study is going to hurt...but I hope it helps.

The faces of Silas

This boy (who has stolen my heart) makes the most adorable faces! They just make me giggle and wonder what in the world he could be thinking! There is a sample for you!

Very skeptical about going on a walk in January!

Loves being naked (pretty much) & thinks he is big stuff standing up!

What?! It's Christmas?!

Sweet! I get to open the presents you keep taking me away from!

Just too funny for words!

And this one...its in a frame already...so much cuteness!

Blessed

Sometimes I complain about Silas and how whiney he can be and how I hate when he is fussy and how much work he can be sometimes. Every time I get really frustrated, something is brought to my attention that makes the thankful for the things I was just complaining about. Last week, a friend lost her baby at 29 weeks pregnant. Just thinking about their situation brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart beat fast. I simply can't imagine what they are going through right now. It makes me thankful for the fussy, teething baby who tests my patience because he wants to go, go, go all the time. It makes me thankful that I get to wake up at 2 am when he just wants to snuggle. It breaks my heart to imagine what her heart must be going through. Don't take anything for granted. Love every moment with your little ones, even the frustrating ones, because there are people who don't get to experience it and I'm sure they would give anything to take care of their baby, even when they are fussy.

7 1/2 month Update

Silas is now almost 7 1/2 months old. It blows me away how fast time is going! Here are some highlights!

• We started baby food. I made all of it and most of it he loves!
   He LOVES:
     *Peaches
     *Apples
     *Pears
     *Plums
     *Bananas
     *Butternut Squash
     *Sweet Potatoes
     *Carrots
     *Mandarin Oranges

  He HATES:
     *Green beans - puréed or small pieces
     *Blueberries


• He shakes his head no ALL THE TIME!

• He rolls everywhere he wants to get, but refuses to even try crawling.

• He has recently become obsessed with tags, he can find it on anything in no time.

• He reaches for me when someone else is holding him. I love it and it melts my heart!

• He sits like a champ and plays with lots of toys all by himself.

• He loves the Excersaucer and Allen is pretty sure he is going to break it from jumping so hard.

• He loves being outside, he is so content out there! I don't know what we are going to do this winter...

• His personality comes out more and more everyday. He is quite the little ham.

• When he wants attention, he fake coughs. And it is adorable!

• He know has 3 teeth and is working on the 4th. The bottom middle 2 came in a couple of months ago and now he has the top on next to the middle one and is working on the same tooth on the other side. He looks kind of goofy but we still love him to pieces!

Loves the Excersaucer!

Watching the Packer game of course!

Such a happy little man!

Deep in thought.

What could he be pondering? :)

6 month old little man

Silas,
 You officially turned 6 months old last Sunday. I can't believe we have had you for half of a year already! You are such a big boy...weighing in at 18.1 pounds, you have so much chub on your legs, when we give you a bath you have to move the rolls to clean between them - chunky little man :) You holler all the time, at anything and everything. I feel bad for your toys because you are either hollering at them or throwing them. Let's hope your social skills get better before you try to make friends :).

Yesterday, I fed you avocados for the first time. This is your first "real" food and here is a photo of what you thought of it...obviously not impressed with the initial taste, but you ate the entire half of it!

Your faces were absolutely hilarious while you were eating it, but you opened your mouth for more every time! Goofy goofy boy!

Today, I finally got you to sit long enough to get a picture of it, and you made an adorable face while I snapped a picture - you little cutie pie!

We love you to pieces and love watching you grow and change before our eyes! Happy 6 months my little man!

Love you,

 Mommy

Mr. Silas

Si,
 I can't believe you are almost 6 months old! It is absolutely crazy how fast time goes and how fast you grow. You have your bottom 2 teeth now, and it was pretty easy on all of us. I have heard awful stories about teething, but besides the disgusting diapers that you forced Mommy to change, it was pretty much a breeze! It amazes me how fast you learn things too...you are so active (and rough) in your Excersaucer already. If I hand you an extra toy while you are in it, you now chuck it across the room and giggle. Between that and the room clearing farts you have had lately, there is NO DOUBT you all boy! Your Daddy is so proud when your fart takes my breath away while I am feeding you - you could at least wait until I can get away from the toxic fumes you little stinker! You are almost sitting up by yourself and I bet by the time Auntie Teri gets here for Christmas you will be able to do it - if she puts you down at all in those 2 weeks she is home :) I know she misses you a lot and can't wait to see you again so give her lots of big smiles when she gets here ok?! You could also give her one of your growl hugs that you give me all day - love them! Whenever I pick you up, especially after changing your diaper, you wrap your little arms around me and squeeze while growling into my shoulder. I think it is adorable and your uncles (Paul and Daniel) think it is hilarious!

Your Daddy and I love you to pieces and love watching you grow and learn new things pretty much everyday!

Love,
 Mommy

A Love Letter for Little Man

I love hearing you in the morning, giggling and cooing in your crib, just waiting patiently for me to come and get you. That huge smile I get when I peek over your crib melts me every time. When you snuggle into my neck when I pick you up just about melts me into a puddle. I am sooo in love with you. The older you get, the more you interact with me. Your giggles make me giggle, which makes you giggle more. I love when you grunt to reach your toes over your little belly...so cute! You are getting really rough when you play with your toys, but you are a boy, so I guess I should just get used to it! Everything is funny to you, even just looking at you sometimes makes you belly laugh. You are such a ham! I think you have figured out that when you are silly, you get attention, and you are silly all the time. I love the way you cuddle when you are sleepy, laying your head on my shoulder and just chilling. You are such a sweet boy. I love very minute I spend with you and watching you grow and learn brings tears to my eyes. You are growing so fast and I love watching you learn and discover new things. You are such a sweet baby. In fact, someone told me the other day that you should be in commercials because you are so cute, and that her kids were never that cute! That sure made me smile! Everywhere we go, people stop to tell us how cute you are, so it must be true! I love you to pieces and can't look forward to watching you continue to grow and learn!

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Such a happy little man!

Love those cheeks! They are so fun to cover in kisses!

Peeking out of the shower at Mommy!

Getting those toes, I can hear the grunt just looking at this picture!