Fast Forward vs. Pause

Sometimes I am slow to come to terms with certain things. Some changes or really unexpected news...and apparently the passage of 1 years' time. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that tomorrow will be 1 year since my little man joined us. Today, a year ago, was my last day at the best job with the funnest people I have ever had. I still miss it and them. I was a nervous wreck most of the day, waddling around, almost needing help to get out of my chair to help customers. I'm sure it was a sight. In the moment, it was all kind of surreal. But I know they made an impact on my life, because otherwise I wouldn't miss them a year later.

Almost every day this week, I have gotten teary remembering something from when Si was still just a tiny baby. Last night, as I was about to lay my not cuddly almost one year old in his crib, he laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my neck. I lost it. I was standing in front of his crib, the crib that used to look HUGE with my tiny baby taco swaddled in the middle of it, with an almost one year old little boy wrapped around my neck. How did that happen?! I am with him every single day. There has been literally 1 day in this whole year that I have not seen him, and yet I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that tomorrow, he will be 1. It is seriously unreal to me.

Last year at this time, I was looking everywhere for the fast forward button. I wanted to be done with being pregnant so that I could meet the little person I had been growing for 9+ months. I wanted labor and delivery to be over (although I can't say I was scared to go through it). I just wanted to meet the person I loved so much, even though I didn't know if it was a little lady or a little man. Now, I am frantically searching for the pause button.

I hope I find it before tomorrow. If I don't, I will most definitely need to find some tissues.