I don't promise any of this is going to make sense. It just needs to come out and this is where I can let it out.
I am empty. Completely empty. I don't even remember the last time I felt this...empty. I feel like I have nothing to give to anyone that would be of any benefit. People come to me all the time. I'm an easy person to talk to and I'm fine with that. I'm more than fine with that. Usually it makes me feel like I have a purpose. I can help friends through crap. I'm supportive. I listen well. I keep secrets when they need to be kept. I like to think that sometimes I even have some good advice for the situation. But today, today I feel useless. Like a whole bunch of nothing. My son wouldn't nap, I got frustrated. Instead of comforting him, I just lost it. Which proved helpful...both of us crying does a lot of good.
I have a friend that I am seriously frustrated with. I don't know how much more of myself I can give, but it doesn't seem like enough. I feel guilty about it, but I'm mad about it too. I'm doing what I know how to do, and it's not enough. That hurts. A lot.
I just want an escape. Even if its just for a day. I want to get away. Not worry about anyone or anything except what makes me happy. But I'm married. I am a mother. I never stop thinking about others, and usually before myself. I'm so over this feeling of inadequacy. All is does is bring me down and make me think I can't do anything, so why even try. Ugh...
